The Birds & The Bees (new & improved)

This is a sex-positive blog for the purpose of education, and answering questions anyone has concerning sex, gender, sex education, sexuality, bodies, and anything else in your education and experience, or lack thereof, that has left you wondering.




hey fellow ppl who menstruate!

my gynecologist told me today that she doesn’t reccomend Always brand menstrual products, especially to people with sensitive skin, because they’ve been known to irritate the vulva. She said even if you don’t notice an irritation, it can still affect yr vaginal health/make you more prone to yeast infections etc.

please spread this so we can avoid hecking up our vulvas!

i wish i had seen this post when I was regularly getting periods because it would have saved my life.

I frequently got rashes, irritation, even sores from using always pads, but my family was too afraid to even say the “p word” for me to ever suggest that I try a different brand. (I got in trouble for secretly buying overnight pads, and was, under no circumstances, allowed to use tampons because they would take my virginity.) 

If you have sensitive skin, avoid this! However, if you can’t—put a little baby powder on your underwear and specifically on the pad every time you change it, as it, at the very least, reduces discomfort. 

All my love 

This is actually way more common than ppl think/know about. Mainstream menstrual care brands use heavily bleached cotton in their products, which are dangerous for a million reasons, but one of them is that they severely irritate sensitive skin. (And let’s be real, all skin ~down there~ is sensitive.) They can also make periods heavier and longer, increase pain from cramps, and cause uti’s and other complications. Seriously the best way to go is to enter the land of the menstrual cup. But that being said, I still use tampons, because I haven’t been brave enough to take the leap, and menstrual cups can be inconvenient if not impossible for a lot of people, so there are other options! Unbleached cotton menstrual hygiene products do exist, as well as cloth pads. Whateva works 4 u. But if something is happening with your period that you don’t like, there is most likely a solution or at least a way to relieve it, even if your doctors/parents/authorities/etc won’t acknowledge it, and you deserve to be as comfortable and safe as possible. You deserve care. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.

(via generalglockenspiel)

Getting on your feet as a trans* young adult


Young adults these days are expected to start off falling behind in entering the world. Employment is limited, education is more expensive than ever before, and the struggle is much worse when opportunities are more limited due to discrimination. 

(Disclaimer: these links are almost exclusively for the United States. Feel free to add any additional information that you’ve found helpful. This is by no means a complete list, but it is what I have used and what I have access to. If it can help at least one person, I’ll be happy.)


Trans* friendly homeless shelters

Temporary space available

Colleges and universities with gender neutral housing (and here’s some more school related links)

If housing itself isn’t the problem, but instead what’s available in the house is, here’s where you can find free or discounted stuff like clothes


A quick guide for jobseekers 

Resume and cover letter help 

Trans* friendly job postings

HRC’s (yeah, I know they have problems with the trans* community, but bear with me) listing of businesses with the most trans* friendly policies
These will be the ones that ask for a preferred name on applications, have gender neutral employee bathrooms available, up to bigger picture trans* friendly healthcare and benefit plans

See what other people have to say about the company

Most job applications are online and can be completed at a local public library if your internet access is lost or limited


Point Foundation (opens for applications in November, rewards up to $100,000 and gives the student guidance and resources to succeed)

Markowski-Leach Scholarship ($1,500, only applies to San Francisco State University, Stanford University, University of California at Berkeley or University of California, San Francisco)

PFLAG (opens for applications in February, rewards up to $5,000, only for high school seniors and/or those entering their first year of college. Can also apply to the scholarship for your region.)

Scholarship search

Scholarship search app for smartphones

And finally

For when your soul starts to hurt and your eyes get tired from working through applications, anxiously waiting for rejection or acceptance letters, etc.

(via nonbinary-support)

Spelling, Grammar, Etiquette and Awareness of Non-binary/Trans Terms




basic spelling when it comes to trans terms, since these things tend to get misspelled fairly often:

  • transgender, not ‘transgendered’. you wouldn’t say someone is gayed; it’s the same thing here
  • trans, not trans*
  • remember to put the space. trans woman, trans man, trans non-binary person
  • not necessarily related to spelling, but don’t use ‘enby’ as a blanket term for all non-binary people. some of us don’t like it or are uncomfortable with it, and prefer ‘nb’ or ‘non-binary’. stick with non-binary until you know what a person is okay with
  • add on if you see this list and have something else to say

i thought of more things:

  • never use ‘it’ UNLESS the trans/non-binary person has specifically said it pronouns are fine. if the person wants you to use it pronouns only, and you refuse or use different pronouns, you are misgendering the person. yes, i know the history of the usage of ‘it’ against trans people. that doesn’t make it okay to misgender someone who has made the conscious decision to use ‘it’ for itself
  • FtM and MtF can be harmful. use these carefully; make sure the person you’re talking about/to is okay with these terms. on that note, don’t talk about trans people being trans to others without the person’s express permission
  • "used to be a boy/girl"/"became a boy/girl" = not okay
  • "opposite gender" erases non-binary people. try "all genders" or "another gender" instead

(via samanticshift)

(via hotdogcephalopod)


support bi women in relationships with men. support bi women in relationships with nb ppl. support bi women in relationships with other women. support bi women no matter their partners.

(via hotdogcephalopod)

Anonymous asked: Calm down, it isn't that big of a deal that people don't know women don't pee out of their vag, sheesh.






Look, it’s our friendly male-privileged anon come to tell me I’m being all womanly hysterical.

I’m assuming you’re a guy. If you’re a girl, and this doesn’t piss you off, I’m a little concerned, honestly.

The fact is that it is a big deal, and you just earned yourself a free lecture on why so siddown and shaddup.

Cracked ran a rather diverting article today on

"6 Insane Sex Myths People Used to Teach as Facts"

including things like how westerners apparently thought that Chinese women who immigrated had sideways vaginas and that doctors attributed any number of problems to the fact that they believed women’s uteri could detach themselves when the woman was not pregnant and scamper around the woman’s innards like some sort of wayward jellyfish blob.
Hilarious, right? Can’t believe people used to think that! Oh, how naive they all were!
Which brings us to women-pee-out-of-their-vagina.
People back then kind of have an excuse for stupid notions, because a lot of the time there wasn’t the technology or research or scientific community to call them out on it in order to spread information that was actually factual.
We do not have that excuse today.
Yes, I heard that, greyface in sunglasses in the second row.
"well we don’t teach ridiculous stuff like that!"
Spoiler Alert: We totally do.
Stuff like the complete erasure of parts of female anatomy, publicly taught and widespread misinformation about others and the fact that I learned more about my own body with 15 minutes on Wikipedia than I did in two mandatory Health classes and a Medical Anatomy class.
Send your arguments at me, believe me, they don’t hold water.
"The clitoris doesn’t have anything to do with reproduction!"
Sex Ed covers more than just reproduction. Every time they sent me home with a little paper for your parent/guardian to sign, they said they would be talking about anatomy as well as reproduction.
"Well, female anatomy is a lot more complicated…"
Doesn’t that mean they should spend more time covering it rather than skipping over the parts they deem ‘unnecessary’? Even in my Medical Anatomy class when we had the diagrams to label, despite there being a clitoris in the diagram, there wasn’t a lil line to write down what it was.
"Maybe they didn’t think it was appropriate to talk about for high school."
Female pleasure.
So lewd.
How dare they.
Get the pitchforks and burn the witch.
"They don’t talk about male pleasure either!"
Bitch, please.
I heard aaaaalll about what happens when a dude is aroused and orgasms with the erections and ejaculations and all that nonsense.
Girl orgasms are apparently not a thing. And, depending on the class, neither was female arousal.
(Which I find decidedly disturbing, as a side note.)
"Female orgasms aren’t a part of reproduction either."
Maybe not.
"Fine. The clitoris is controversial. That hardly covers the entire spectrum of female sexuality having misinformation and crap."
Apparently you didn’t read the part up above about how I did not learn what happens when a woman is aroused or orgasms in three years of classes that are supposed to teach me about this thing.
"If it took you 15 minutes on Wikipedia to figure stuff out, why are you so mad? That’s hardly a waste of time."
Because I deserve to know about my own body, and when schools teach Sex Ed in any form, they are taking on the responsibility of teaching me that.
And yet, I learned absolutely nothing useful.
That’s a problem.
"Okay, okay. They don’t talk about female sexual reactions, and that’s kinda sexist."
You know what else is kinda sexist? Telling men that sex is great and women that it’s going to hurt and suck and also you’ll get pregnant and die.
What am I talking about, you say?
The hymen. You know, the thing that covers a woman’s vaginal opening and breaks and there’s blood and that’s how you can tell if your girlfriend is lying about whether or not you’re her first.
Well guess what, buddy-boy, you dumped that girl for no reason because that’s not actually what a hymen is and you’re also a jerk.
The hymen is a flexible membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening (usually in a sort of crescent shape when they are but a wee lass) and did you notice the word up there? ‘Flexible’? Do you know what that means? It means that if a woman is sufficiently aroused, it prolly ain’t gonna break. (wow do you think this myth has anything to do with the lack of knowledge we’re taught about female arousal???)
I mean dude you can shove a baby outta that thing and it returns to its original shape, you can’t tell if a woman is a virgin or not by the state of her hymen anyways. They can tear during exercise n stuff as well but there is literally not much of a reason why sex should be painful for girls and why you call it “popping the cherry”
Well, fun fact, if she’s tight that means you kind of suck balls at the whole sex thing.
This isn’t just a matter of some people making a mistake about how women urinate. This is part of a long history of the suppression of female sexuality to the point that when you get a damn diagram of the vulva, apparently they don’t mark where the urethra is because man we don’t want to spend too much time talking about ladyparts frick who knows what’s hiding down there…

In my own 7th grade health class, and even in goddam 11th and 12th grade highschool biology, they left out female pleasure to such an extent as a thing, that I thought orgasm and penile ejaculation were synonymous.  That orgasm was only a penis-owning thing; that orgasm was when those with penises spewed sperm, not that it was a pleasurable climax, not that it was its own thing, not that people with vaginas could experience them.

You want to know how we were told about the clitoris? Through less than two sentences in seventh grade health class.  “This is the clitoris: it’s like a button and and can get harder”.  That’s it.  That’s it.

Can we talk about how dangerous this is, actually?

Yes. I said dangerous. Not because I’m a girl and I would like sex to be enjoyable thank you, but because we’re teaching women that a men have a right to have sex be enjoyable where we do not.

We’re teaching women that if she is uncomfortable or in pain, that is normal and she has no right to complain.

We’re teaching women to do something because it makes a man happy, regardless of how she feels.

We’re teaching women to be the submissive, receptive partner rather than an active participant.

I didn’t learn about a woman’s arousal or a woman’s orgasm simply because apparently that isn’t important.

It doesn’t matter if a woman is enjoying it.

It doesn’t matter if she likes what you’re doing.

We teach these things in a public setting, and we wonder why youth are legitimately confused about what constitutes rape, and why it is a bad thing that has a profoundly negative and possibly permanent effect on the victim.

My mind is blown and I think I’m in shock.

We teach these things in a public setting, and we wonder why youth are legitimately confused about what constitutes rape, and why it is a bad thing that has a profoundly negative and possibly permanent effect on the victim.

We teach these things in a public setting, and we wonder why youth are legitimately confused about what constitutes rape, and why it is a bad thing that has a profoundly negative and possibly permanent effect on the victim.

We teach these things in a public setting, and we wonder why youth are legitimately confused about what constitutes rape, and why it is a bad thing that has a profoundly negative and possibly permanent effect on the victim.

Anonymous asked: I've been in my first serious, committed, and sexually active relationship. I'm 19 and female. I was on Prozac for a while and so knew I probably wouldn't be able to orgasm while having sex. I recently visited my boyfriend, and I honestly don't know if I had one. It felt so good. He always hits my G-spot. There is sometimes, but not always clitoral stimulation. And in all honestly, I scream and moan to the point where we were worried about the neighbors. (part 1)

(part 2). Is there something wrong with me? Is it possible that I did have an orgasm and not know it. I feel satisfied after sex, but I just have no idea.

There is nothing wrong with you. Most likely if you have an orgasm, you specifically know. (If you have never experienced an orgasm before, masturbating to orgasm [perhaps if you are even off Prozac if you think that will inhibit orgasm during masturbation as well] can give you an excellent reference point for what it feels like, as well as a better understanding of what kind of stimulation your body needs to achieve orgasm for when with a partner.) However, most female-bodied people will have experiences in their lives in which it is vague or hard to tell whether they have reached orgasm or not. And that’s in situations where they usually aren’t on medications that interfere with orgasm. So if you’re not 100% sure what you experienced, it’s not something you should worry over.

What’s important is that you’re enjoying yourself and feel satisfied, and if you are then there’s no problem. It sounds like this could have been a one-off experience that many people go through from time to time, or it could be that the Prozac is simply interfering with your body actually achieving orgasm despite the fact that you might be experiencing pleasure that would trigger it were you not on the medication. If this keeps happening, it is the latter, and if you have issue with this you should consult your doctor if there are any solutions, but if you are satisfied as is then there is nothing to address or change! I suggest attempting to masturbate to orgasm if you are comfortable doing so to see if the medication is interfering with your biological ability to trigger orgasm or not—if you feel you need to know—as it can be easier in a more controlled circumstance to trigger your own orgasm.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Maybe this is a stupid question that you have to answer all the time. I'm dating a boy that I like a lot. We had sex for the first time yesterday and when I saw him naked I noticed his penis was small. I don't know if i didn't feel totally satisfied because i saw it and considered it small, or because actually size matters. So the question is, does size matter? Thank you.

Ultimately? No. Saying the precise size of a penis directly, definitively matters in determining the sexual satisfaction you can achieve with someone discredits any other means of sexual stimulation (oral, manual, frottage/dry humping, any kind of touching really, or even just emotional or verbal intimacy, etc.) that can lead to feeling satisfied and/or orgasm, and is also heteronormative in that it also puts all focus upon penetration with a penis for what can lead to pleasure.

Other than stimulating a slightly larger area of the vagina or anus/rectum during penetration, there is no direct benefit to the penetrative partner having a longer penis during sex (and even in these cases it does not always equate to more stimulation, as on average the length of a penis exceeds that of a vagina, and that of the anus/rectal canal, meaning that during vaginal penetration no more stimulation would be achieved as the head of the penis would simply stop at the cervix, and during anal penetration if the penis is long enough, it can potentially enter the intensive which can be painful or uncomfortable for the receiving partner).

However, sex characteristics and appearance of a partner can affect your psychological satisfaction with them and any sexual contact you may have with them, and misconceptions you may have about those with smaller penises not being able to provide you with as much pleasure as people with larger penises or the value society places upon larger penises because of these misconceptions and aesthetics may affect your mental satisfaction and how attracted to a person you are based upon their genitals. This is not to discredit if you may simply have a preference for larger penises, but if the sex brings you pleasure/orgasm/positive feelings and this person does too, then you shouldn’t let the size of their penis get in the way of that. And if you prefer a more full feeling during penetration, there are dildos and dildo/penis sheath combos to extend penis size, and you can also try putting more focus on the other kinds of sexual stimulation mentioned above if none of that cuts it for you during penetration.

Anonymous asked: I was with my bf last night & we were hooking up & he rubbed his shaft (not even the tip really just the shaft) up against my bare vulva for a bit. Before we hooked up, he had jacked off and urinated after doing so.What are the chances of pregnancy?

CHM Here,

Chances of pregnancy in this case are pretty much non existent.

CQF here:

If there was not any large quantity of pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) on his penis and it didn’t get on your vulva, then you should be fine. However, you should note that ejaculation and urination before sexual contact do not effect whether or not sperm will be in the pre-ejaculate and subsequently doing these thing before sex won’t keep you from getting pregnant from pre-ejaculate.

Though it is difficult to get pregnant from pre-ejaculate alone, the best thing you can do is to use a condom or not have genital to genital contact without protection if fluids are involved. And bare genital contact even without pre-ejaculate and even not to the head of the penis can expose you to various STIs, so again, the best thing you can do is use protection.