The Birds & The Bees (new & improved)

This is a sex-positive blog for the purpose of education, and answering questions anyone has concerning sex, gender, sex education, sexuality, bodies, and anything else in your education and experience, or lack thereof, that has left you wondering.

Anonymous asked: you've talked on this blog before about guys making their foreskins come back by strching out the skin there. i never had my foreskin removed, which is fine, and i dont mind my foreskin, except that there is a lot of it, and because i've tugged at it basically since i started masturbating , there's so much now that i kind of looks weird, and i'm worried it might affect my sensitivity, is there a way to make smaller without circumcision?

The “tugging” method to restore foreskin is usually a lot different than the natural stretching and tugging at a foreskin you likely would do during masturbation, or just regular touching of yourself, or any mild stretching at or playing with your skin. Manual stretching of the skin is intensive and highly consistent to have any noticeable effects, so unless you’ve actively been trying to extend your foreskin, it sounds like you may just have redundant prepuce (also known as redundant foreskin, overhang, or overhanging foreskin).

Redundant prepuce is the slight overhang or extra lip of skin extending beyond the end of the penis once the glans is covered. It is completely normal, and so long as you do not begin experiencing phimosis (hardening of the foreskin or opening of the foreskin preventing retraction or making retraction painful) there is absolutely nothing wrong with having some extra foreskin. If anything, this may increase your sexual sensitivity, as the glans and inside of the foreskin/the ridged band are the areas most packed with sexually sensitive nerve endings.

Here is a link to the foreskin “Coverage Index” notating different levels of coverage/length and detonating each a number should you be interested in placing yourself along a scale or seeing real-life examples of foreskin lengths and redundant prepuce (it should be noted that the first few rankings on the scale and their accompanying images are of those restoring their foreskins, not naturally born with that little coverage). The index includes actual pictures of genitals and is NSFW.

Anonymous asked: You know, right after the semen comes out, the porn I just masturbated to becomes disgusting and boring and everything related to sex too. Just for some minutes, I almost swear to myself to never do that again. Every time after masturbating.

This is very common during the refractory period. The refractory period is the time after orgasm during which it is physically impossible for a male-bodied person to achieve orgasm again, and sustaining physical arousal at all is also unattainable for most. The reason for this is that upon orgasm, prolactin is released into the brain, which represses the dopamine that is necessary for sexual arousal. Most people report feeling very non-sexual and uninterested in sexual thoughts and activity as a result. The refractory period is partly responsible for many male-bodied people desiring sleep after sexual activity. Even many female-bodied people report experiencing milder versions of refractory periods.

santonijones13 asked: So its thr first time my bf went doen on me; everything was going fine. So just as I came my legs involuntarily choked him and I'm super nervous to do it again. Help please?

The best thing you can do is just focus on relaxing. If or when your boyfriend performs cunnilingus on you again, try to take things slower and keep calm—hopefully that will allow you more control over your body during orgasm. And, if possible, tell your boyfriend when you feel close or know you are about to orgasm so that if you can’t control your muscles again, he has time to prepare.

So long as you simply explain why it occurred and do your best to avoid it again, or at least warn him, I’m sure he won’t mind.

unniesexual asked: So, I have started doing what I'm nearly sure is ejaculating. It never happens on a first orgasm and rarely on a second, but almost always after that. The fluid is clear, odorless, and tasteless. But the thing that throws me is (I haven't watched yet) it doesn't feel like it's gushing or squirting like I've seen in porn, just kind of... quickly flowing. It feels like I'm peeing. Is that what it's normally like? And how do I bring that up with a partner?

If you’re accurately describing the fluid and you feel it is coming from your urethra and not your vagina, it definitely sounds like you’re ejaculating!

People often experience the sensations of ejaculation very differently, and not much professional study has been done on female ejaculation, so there isn’t a lot that can be definitively answered about it except for your own personal experience with it. The force of ejaculation can be affected by pressure on the urethra, though—just like in male ejaculation—so if you are relaxed, have an empty bladder, are in a position that doesn’t put weight on your pelvis, you may only feel a “quick flowing” rather than gushing. That’s completely normal.

Be wary of the budding online portrayal of female ejaculation that so frequently pops up in mainstream porn now, though. What is represented on camera is mostly not accurate and over-exagerated by water being thrown into the scene from off-camera, the actors knowing how to put pressure on their bodies in various ways to ejaculate in the most exaggerated way, etc. Mainstream porn is usually not a great resource to learn accurately about real-life sex. Plus, like said before, everyone can experience female ejaculation differently. The best way you can learn about what is “normal” in female ejaculation for you is to pay attention to your own body.

The best way to bring it up with a partner is definitely to them before you do anything sexual together. You don’t want to risk surprising them in case you ejaculate on your first orgasm for a change! We always advocate for having a frank discussion in a non-sexual setting with potential sexual partners before anything happens to talk about what you’re each comfortable with in bed, how far you want to go, if there are any kinks you have, anything you particularly enjoy or want to avoid, etc. With any luck, they’ll likely think it’s hot that you have the ability to ejaculate, and if they are put-off when you tell them, even after a little education on what it is if they’re not familiar, then that’s probably a sign they may not be a great person to invest your time in anyway.

Taking Charge of My Sexual Health With STD Testing and Communication - Sex, Etc.

I’m happy to announce that after working with the editors of SexEtc.org over the past weeks, I have just had my first professional article published! It is a personal dialogue to encourage teens to get tested for STIs regularly and communicate effectively and openly with their sexual partners as a part of STI Awareness Month throughout April.

crushingthebinary:

Shoutout to all the closeted nonbinary people who deal with constant misgendering and gendered language and can’t do anything about it without outing themselves. You’ll get through this.

(via starfleetmagicalgirl)

deiselboi:

bitch-media:

report from the National Transgender Discrimination Survey conducted by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality, found that transgender people faced double the rate of unemployment of the general population, with 63 percent of the transgender people surveyed reporting they experienced a serious act of discrimination that majorly affected their ability to sustain themselves. These numbers are even worse for trans people of color, especially trans women of color, the deaths of whom have been deemed a “state of emergency.” 

Trans women have been saddled with the responsibility of taking on trans-exclusionary feminists for far too long—but it’s not their issue to deal with alone. 

Read: It’s Time to End the Long History of Feminism Failing Transgender Women by Tina Vasquez at BitchMedia.org.  Type illustrations by Michelle Leigh

Damn right

(via hotdogcephalopod)

Federal guidelines for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs associate sexual abstinence with all things virtuous and sexual activity with a life doomed to failure. Not only is this untrue, but it serves to inflict greater harm upon those who have survived coerced sexual behavior. Such messages are likely to cause further feelings of hurt, shame, anger, and embarrassment in these already victimized young people.

"In addition to shaming sexual assault victims, positioning abstinence as women’s domain further promotes the notion that it’s women’s morality that’s on the line when it comes to sex - men just can’t help themselves, so their ethics are safe from criticism.

Other young people suffering under these discriminatory teachings are LGBTQ youth, who are outright ignored or ostracized.  Queer sexuality is not discussed at all; in fact, federal guidelines for abstinence-only programs make even mentioning gay sex near-impossible.

In 2006, the United States Dept. of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families created new guidelines for organizations applying for grants to support abstinence-only education programs….  Educators were required to define the term “marriage” as only “a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife,”…  Since, according to the virginity movement, only married people are “allowed” to have sex, queer students are essentially taught that sexual intimacy is something they can never experience.  For students who may have gay friends and family members, the message is similar:  Their loved ones don’t exist.”

'The Purity Myth' by Jessica Valenti, top quote sourced from No More Money: Reality Behind the Programs

(via misandry-mermaid)

(via hotdogcephalopod)

Anonymous asked: o_o Since when does spermicide not have much of an effect on sperm? What?

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

pervocracy:

Quoting the World Health Organization:

There is no published scientific evidence that N-9- [the active ingredient in spermicidal condoms] lubricated condoms provide any additional protection against pregnancy or STDs compared with condoms lubricated with other products. Since adverse effects due to the addition of N-9 to condoms cannot be excluded, such condoms should no longer be promoted.

Also, it’s really harsh on the vagina and increases your risk for STIs and UTIs.

Spermicidal condoms also have a shorter shelf life and have “a burning sensation” as a normal thing to experience.

No.

—BB

While spermicide creams are a viable birth control option, they aren’t as effective as others and have serious drawbacks, especially for vaginal health. And spermicidal condoms are basically never a good idea!

goldenheartedrose:

mumblingsage:

acacophony:

fallintolight:

I am sO FUCKING MAD 
This is the new one.

In case any of my followers are somehow unclear: This is a petition for the US to place a non-binary gender category as an option on all legal forms and documents, including passports, so that those that identify can choose to be legally recognized as such if they wish. Sign it. It costs you nothing, does not impact your life if you don’t want it to, and will give legal visibility to a ton of people. Deadline is April 10th now.

American followers, if you don’t have an ID on this petition site you should know it’s really easy to set up and will undoubtedly come in handy at some point—so now’s as good a time as any to sign up & sign. 

ALSO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AMERICAN TO SIGN!!!!

(via hotdogcephalopod)